(From Frans de Waal's latest book - highly recommended)
"The role of dominant male primates shouldn't be dismissed or cast in a negative light, as if every one of them were a tyrant. There are indeed males who terrify everyone, but they aren't the rule. In our closest relatives, the majority of alpha males that I have known didn't harass or abuse the members of their society. They guaranteed peace and harmony by keeping order and checking the behaviour of up-and-coming young males. The security that an even-handed alpha male provides, especially to the most vulnerable, may make him immensely popular. And when he loses his position, which inevitably happens one day, he simply steps down a few rungs on the ladder and lives out his life in peace.
Every primate group has one alpha male and one alpha female and not an alpha individual (either sex) followed by a beta individual (either sex), then a gamma, a delta, and so on. The reason is simple. Hierarchies are largely sex segregated. In the same way that young primates and children prefer to play with members of their own sex, social hierarchies mostly involve one or the other sex. Females worry about where they rank relative to other females, and males do the same relative to other males. Competition occurs primarily within each sex, and hierarches help regulate and contain it.
We have no reason to assume, as is often done, that males are more suited for leadership than women. Men's greater size and strength doesn't make them better leaders, even though these qualities still subconsciously bias our judgement. In other primates, both sexes astutely exert power, and female leadership is not hard to find. Females also have a hand in the hierarchy among males, in the same way that males have one in the hierarchy among females. Moreover, many alpha individuals, regardless of sex, care about more than rank. They defend the underdog, settle disputes, console distressed parties facilitate reconciliation and promote stability. They serve their community while at the same time safeguarding their position and privileges."
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