SELF-DOUBT

There's only one thing worse than doubting yourself, which is not doubting yourself. It is entirely normal and even necessary. Self-confidence has to be earned by becoming good at something. Self-doubt can be the fire that keeps pushing you. Or makes you give up. And then you come back, because you'll go mad if you don't come back.

I have been plagued by self-doubt all my life, not just until I've got good at something, but until I know I am good, which can take a lot longer. It has happened with astrology, with shamanic work, with writing books....

The thing about our sort of work is that there isn't an obvious measure of right or wrong, unlike say fixing a gas boiler. I am talking about a deeper kind of confidence in who we are, that can feel excruciating because we are baring our souls to the world. Virginia Woolf would feel suicidal in response to critical reviews of her work.

It is a tough one. There is an initiatory fire to be gone through if you have a calling, but would you want it any other way? Of course the approval of the world can help get us started, but ultimately we need to know for ourselves the value of what we have done. In Shamanic terms, we trust our connection with the spirits; we may not understand their purposes, but we feel the value. In some ways, the lack of recognition from the world can be a help, a worthy opponent that pushes us onwards on this deeply solitary path: in this solitude we find the fire in our souls, and our connection to everything.

Chewing over self-doubt with people is one of the things I do. My shamanic work is mainly talking, but do not be misled. My spirits implicitly meet your spirits, if we are talking openly, and enriching things happen for both of us. Above all, perhaps, I will support you in the long initiatory fire of your self-doubt, and I will listen as you talk of that which you love.