THE GOOD VS THE REAL

I see this shamanic path as about becoming real rather than good. Maybe many of us start out by trying to become good, it's kind of natural. Here's all this world-wrecking, greedy, disconnected stuff going on around us, and we don't want that, we have ideals for something better. But then we become identified with those ideals, it becomes who we are, because underneath it all we're not very sure of ourselves, so we create an identity, and that's kind of normal too. And then a shadow gets cast on everyone who is not a spiritual warrior, as we see it. And you get that in shamanism just as you can get it in lots of other places. As soon as I hear someone talking about their high standards, or how hard they 'work' on themselves, I guard my back. 

This way of being is standard in leaders who have ambitions, who build an organisation around themselves, and that inevitably also has a hierarchy, spoken or unspoken. And the teachings may be beautifully and clearly presented (take 'em and run!) And everything is just so, and there is a pride around that. But also a whopping great shadow that is not seen by the teacher or the followers, that will instantly round on any critics, usually in quite a personal way. There is a lot of hidden judgement and a lot of unconsciousness in this way of being.

The real task is not about building a spiritual self that knows all the teachings and practices them diligently and supports all the right causes like extinction rebellion and is probably vegan to boot. No, the real task is letting go of any identity and probably being a bit messy and badly behaved, but listening deeply to ourselves. That is when Spirit can really get in. That is when we can really unfold. When we are relaxed about everything, not trying to become someone other than who we are in the interests of self-improvement, and not bothered about others' opinions of who we ought to be.

It is the difference between religion and spirituality, and it's not necessarily a hard and fast distinction; moving from one to the other can happen gradually over years. Some people have a gift for being themselves and they see through the religious bullshit quite early on. For myself, the tension between what I was trying to become (in a Buddhist context) and the voice of Spirit became so great by my early 30s that it split me apart and I could do nothing for several years. I was trying my hardest, in my young warrior way, to be one of the good guys. I never truly believed in it, and I knew I didn't, but I thought that was a shortcoming, and that if I tried hard enough I would come to see the light. But instead, as I said, it split me apart. I was lucky, because there are plenty of people who can keep this up for decades.

But it’s also been a gradual path for me. Listening to the deeper voice within, and then not doing so and coming unstuck. And not judging myself for not being the great achiever that the self-builder would like me to be. No, just muddling on and trying to live in accordance with what I am feeling and being sympathetic to the painful bits. And above all trusting that if I follow what I feel and don’t impose any ideas of who I ought to be or where my life ‘should’ be going, that all will unfold as it needs to. That I may not have much that is obvious to show for myself – if I even think in those terms – but I know that I am living close to myself, and what else is there to do? When I come to die, if I can feel that I have lived close to myself, then I will feel that I have lived, and that it’s OK to let go, because life has taught me that kind of trust.

It's all in there if we can get out of the way. That is what the 'hollow bones' teaching is about.